In The Moment: The Art of Being


My husband has always called me a lady and this book just follows through with it. You can be conservative, liberal, indie, hippie, who cares, but you can always be a lady. AND use it to you potential. I think while some of the negative reviews have some merit - doesn't teach you how to set a table, encourages "when to have a keg" at a party, and other things people seem to get up in arms about because they're "not ladylike" - basically what I took away from this book was this: If you want to learn how to set a table and throw a dinner party, don't go this way.

The key was their guide to integrity. I think it's a great read for a modern woman who has to take care of herself and "act like a man" in a lot of ways, but how to be a lady when and where it counts. I knew this book was great at this very moment: Suddenly, after reading the description of how a woman has integrity, acts with grace, always says "please" and "thank you," gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and behaves gracefully, always giving a smile even when she's "mad" she takes a deep breath, counts to ten and lets it roll off her shoulders, not stooping to their level , I was instantly disgusted by the behavior of the women I saw on these shows that once before had entertained me.

Their behavior was certainly unladylike. Can't necessarily put it into words, but I recommend this book indeed.

First premise of the book is to redefine what it means to be a lady, and then go from there to explain what it looks like to attain that particular definition of ladyship. Didn't like this one. One person found this helpful. This is not a rule book for Miss Porter's wannabees but rather an insight on integrity, dignity and being a better person. This book was well written and logically sub-divided by appropriate subject subject content.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

My movements feel awkward. The best way to avoid such blackouts, Langer says, is to develop the habit of always noticing new things in whatever situation you're in. If you want to learn how to set a table and throw a dinner party, don't go this way. East Dane Designer Men's Fashion. Grove Press; Reprint edition August 27, Language:

While a lot of the advice is common sense, I felt re-aligned with the guidelines for appropriate behavior, especially regarding getting and maintaining respect in the workplace and being a better person in general. This book will stay on my shelf as a constant reminder of how I would like to be perceived and how I should adhere to these 'lady-like' standards. This was a great book; fun to read and informative. It was not "heavy" reading but more inspirational. The writers give a fresh perspective on what defines a Lady, and unlike many books I have read on the subject, they don't chalk it up to the way you dress or the perfume you wear though they do discuss fashion and the like.

They don't insist on wearing high heels unless you love them and encourage minimalist make-up. Being a lady comes from the inside and this book helps you cultivate the kind of woman you want to be. I'd recommend this book to anyone. Good advice that will always be relevent. It's a shame this things aren't taught anymore. Instead, we have women who are famous for being famous, or famous for partying. Sad state of affairs. Love so many pieces of this book. Truly updated and encourages natural strengths. Well written for modern times. Love the chapter on personal style and the many real life examples of old and new public figures so you can really get a 'picture' sense of what the author is referring to.

All women need this book, even if you have and use your manners.

This has much that no one teaches you. See all 68 reviews. Most recent customer reviews. Published 11 months ago. Published 1 year ago. Published on September 28, Published on September 21, Published on August 26, Published on August 5, Published on April 30, Published on April 24, Published on March 30, Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.

Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. The Art and Power of Being a Lady. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment. Verified by Psychology Today. The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment. By Jay Dixit, published November 1, - last reviewed on June 9, A friend was walking in the desert when he found the telephone to God. The setting was Burning Man, an electronic arts and music festival for which 50, people descend on Black Rock City, Nevada, for eight days of "radical self-expression "—dancing, socializing, meditating, and debauchery. A phone booth in the middle of the desert with a sign that said "Talk to God" was a surreal sight even at Burning Man.

The idea was that you picked up the phone, and God—or someone claiming to be God—would be at the other end to ease your pain. So when God came on the line asking how he could help, my friend was ready. Too often, he felt, the beautiful moments of his life were drowned out by a cacophony of self-consciousness and anxiety. What could he do to hush the buzzing of his mind?

My friend flinched at the tired new-age mantra, then reminded himself to keep an open mind.

When God talks, you listen. Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what's past. We're always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm. When we're at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don't appreciate the living present because our "monkey minds," as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree.

Most of us don't undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. In order to feel more in control of our minds and our lives, to find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and, as Kabat-Zinn puts it, to "rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being.

We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness —is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience. Cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of the present bestows a host of benefits.

Mindfulness reduces stress , boosts immune functioning, reduces chronic pain , lowers blood pressure, and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress, spending a few minutes a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart disease.

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Mindfulness may even slow the progression of HIV. Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression , binge eating , and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. As a result, mindful couples have more satisfying relationships.

Mindfulness is at the root of Buddhism , Taoism, and many Native-American traditions, not to mention yoga. It's why Thoreau went to Walden Pond; it's what Emerson and Whitman wrote about in their essays and poems. Living in the moment involves a profound paradox: You can't pursue it for its benefits. That's because the expectation of reward launches a future-oriented mindset, which subverts the entire process.

Instead, you just have to trust that the rewards will come. There are many paths to mindfulness—and at the core of each is a paradox.

Ironically, letting go of what you want is the only way to get it. Here are a few tricks to help you along. I've never felt comfortable on a dance floor. My movements feel awkward. I feel like people are judging me. I never know what to do with my arms. I want to let go, but I can't, because I know I look ridiculous. The dance world has a term for people like me: We spent the rest of the class doing "isolations"—moving just our shoulders, ribs, or hips—to build "body awareness. But even more important than body awareness, Hayden said, was present-moment awareness.

That's the first paradox of living in the moment: Thinking too hard about what you're doing actually makes you do worse. If you're in a situation that makes you anxious—giving a speech, introducing yourself to a stranger, dancing—focusing on your anxiety tends to heighten it. Indeed, mindfulness blurs the line between self and other, explains Michael Kernis, a psychologist at the University of Georgia.

By reducing self-consciousness, mindfulness allows you to witness the passing drama of feelings, social pressures, even of being esteemed or disparaged by others without taking their evaluations personally, explain Richard Ryan and K. Brown of the University of Rochester. When you focus on your immediate experience without attaching it to your self-esteem, unpleasant events like social rejection—or your so-called friends making fun of your dancing—seem less threatening. Focusing on the present moment also forces you to stop overthinking. Instead of getting stuck in your head and worrying, you can let yourself go.

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In her memoir Eat, Pray, Love , Elizabeth Gilbert writes about a friend who, whenever she sees a beautiful place, exclaims in a near panic, "It's so beautiful here! I want to come back here someday! Often, we're so trapped in thoughts of the future or the past that we forget to experience, let alone enjoy, what's happening right now.

We sip coffee and think, "This is not as good as what I had last week.

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Instead, relish or luxuriate in whatever you're doing at the present moment—what psychologists call savoring. You could be savoring a success or savoring music," explains Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California at Riverside and author of The How of Happiness. When subjects in a study took a few minutes each day to actively savor something they usually hurried through—eating a meal, drinking a cup of tea, walking to the bus—they began experiencing more joy, happiness, and other positive emotions, and fewer depressive symptoms, Schueller found.

Why does living in the moment make people happier—not just at the moment they're tasting molten chocolate pooling on their tongue, but lastingly? Because most negative thoughts concern the past or the future. As Mark Twain said, "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Worry, by its very nature , means thinking about the future—and if you hoist yourself into awareness of the present moment, worrying melts away.

The flip side of worrying is ruminating, thinking bleakly about events in the past. And again, if you press your focus into the now, rumination ceases. Savoring forces you into the present, so you can't worry about things that aren't there. Living consciously with alert interest has a powerful effect on interpersonal life. Mindfulness actually inoculates people against aggressive impulses, say Whitney Heppner and Michael Kernis of the University of Georgia.

In a study they conducted, each subject was told that other subjects were forming a group—and taking a vote on whether she could join. Five minutes later, the experimenter announced the results—either the subject had gotten the least number of votes and been rejected or she'd been accepted. Beforehand, half the subjects had undergone a mindfulness exercise in which each slowly ate a raisin, savoring its taste and texture and focusing on each sensation.

Later, in what they thought was a separate experiment, subjects had the opportunity to deliver a painful blast of noise to another person. Among subjects who hadn't eaten the raisin, those who were told they'd been rejected by the group became aggressive, inflicting long and painful sonic blasts without provocation.

Stung by social rejection, they took it out on other people. But among those who'd eaten the raisin first, it didn't matter whether they'd been ostracized or embraced. Either way, they were serene and unwilling to inflict pain on others—exactly like those who were given word of social acceptance. How does being in the moment make you less aggressive? Mindfulness boosts your awareness of how you interpret and react to what's happening in your mind. It increases the gap between emotional impulse and action, allowing you to do what Buddhists call recognizing the spark before the flame.

Focusing on the present reboots your mind so you can respond thoughtfully rather than automatically. Instead of lashing out in anger , backing down in fear , or mindlessly indulging a passing craving, you get the opportunity to say to yourself, "This is the emotion I'm feeling. How should I respond?

Mindfulness increases self-control ; since you're not getting thrown by threats to your self-esteem, you're better able to regulate your behavior. That's the other irony: Inhabiting your own mind more fully has a powerful effect on your interactions with others.

Erich Fromm - The Art Of Being - Psychology audiobook

Of course, during a flare-up with your significant other it's rarely practical to duck out and savor a raisin. But there's a simple exercise you can do anywhere, anytime to induce mindfulness: As it turns out, the advice my friend got in the desert was spot-on.

How to Practice the Art of Being Present

There's no better way to bring yourself into the present moment than to focus on your breathing. Because you're placing your awareness on what's happening right now, you propel yourself powerfully into the present moment. For many, focusing on the breath is the preferred method of orienting themselves to the now—not because the breath has some magical property, but because it's always there with you.